Every day is an important day to remember our family members and friends who have lost a husband or wife, but that's unrealistic and beyond anyone's scope. So, we have this special day to remind us to stay in touch with them and to remind them we love and/or care about them. To also remind them we remember the one they've lost. Oh, how important that is!
Because I can't pull words together today, here are some wonderful words from The Hope for Widows Foundation blog on this date back in 2020.
"Today on National Widow’s Day, do every widow you know a special favor. Talk about their dead spouse. Speak their name. As a widow one of the most painful things is to the think that others have forgotten your late spouse. Remember, that our lives were forever changed in a single moment. Our life as we knew it ended when our spouse died. The future we had planned vanished, never to happen. Our present became one of basic survival. We no longer felt whole, complete. A part of us died in that moment. And our loss should not and cannot be ignored. Our loss shaped us into who we are now. Someone new, someone who has lived in darkness and fought their way back to the light.
"Acknowledge our loss. Don’t ignore it, change the subject, or refuse to speak their name. These actions are hurtful, they make us feel alone. Like an outcast. Today of all days, honor a widow. Remember their life before death. Speak their spouse’s name. Honor a love so deep that even death cannot end it. "
As we move further into this blog, and the coming resources, it's abundantly important to let you know where I stand on grief. After all, it's the foundation of why we are here.
* All grief is valid.
* All grief should be acknowledged.
* All grief should be respected.
* Grief, in all of its forms, should not be scaled or compared against someone else's - by any measure.
* All grief should be faced and worked through.
All of that said, this blog isn't here to say, "Your grief doesn't count compared to mine." Not in any way.
This blog is here to say some grief is beyond any perception, or expectation, or experience we may have. It's here to share what I've learned so you might better understand the people you care about who are grieving in an exceptional manner, a manner you may not understand.
Or, maybe it's you who are grieving, and you don't understand!
I've been there! I am there, though in a more settled way that I once was.
Grief is survivable. We can even thrive again with our old friend, Grief.
Let's link arms in true support of those we care about!
Marsha
Sixteen years ago I was just weeks into widowhood. Such a massive shift between then and now!
Back then I was in the utter depths of grief and trying to find a way to keep us functioning and moving forward to whatever was ahead of us without our husband and dad.
It was the Christmas season, obviously. It didn't dawn on me my husband’s paycheck would be less because of his death date. Thankfully, his co-workers made sure we would have a good Christmas.
I remember the most epic, all-consuming, terrifying meltdown of all time. I don't remember what might have triggered it, but remember how it felt. The boys came running - terrified. They were so young still. I could barely catch a breath between sobs much less let them know I was okay, that I just had to get the grief out. Both boys held me while I cried and cried, and cried.
Note to those who are afraid tears will never stop if they let them flow: There will be a break. That initial cry IS limited. It won't last forever. And, somehow, you will get enough air not to suffocate no matter how fast and hard the sobs come. You will be utterly exhausted. You should definitely rehydrate! And, you should give yourself grace in all of it.
Gosh! Everything was so hard then.
Grief and peace slowly, almost imperceptibly, intertwine.
Here I am sixteen years later.
I'm glad I survived the . worst . grief, a grief not even imaginable. I can function more normally again - cancer treatment repercussions notwithstanding.
All of the thoughts and words on grief and loss written then and since are finally coming together on the website, though it is foundational until after the holidays. In time there will be free resources, videos, loads of blog posts, and maybe even a course or two. And eventually that book!
And, in spite of another hard year with too much death, we are having our first full blown Christmas since Mom died five years ago!!!
My husband's stocking is still hanging among the rest. It always will be.
Marsha
