As we move further into this blog, and the coming resources, it's abundantly important to let you know where I stand on grief. After all, it's the foundation of why we are here.
* All grief is valid.
* All grief should be acknowledged.
* All grief should be respected.
* Grief, in all of its forms, should not be scaled or compared against someone else's - by any measure.
* All grief should be faced and worked through.
All of that said, this blog isn't here to say, "Your grief doesn't count compared to mine." Not in any way.
This blog is here to say some grief is beyond any perception, or expectation, or experience we may have. It's here to share what I've learned so you might better understand the people you care about who are grieving in an exceptional manner, a manner you may not understand.
Or, maybe it's you who are grieving, and you don't understand!
I've been there! I am there, though in a more settled way that I once was.
Grief is survivable. We can even thrive again with our old friend, Grief.
Let's link arms in true support of those we care about!
Marsha
Christmas is a week away. A friend shared a post on Facebook this morning. I loved the message that was shared. In a nutshell, Jesus’ stepping down from Heaven wasn’t at all about giving us a reason to celebrate. “Jesus stepped down to pursue the broken and the hurting and the lost.”
That’s us, widowed friends and friends of widows. It’s a lot of other people, too, for sure. But, we can sure dig into what this young lady, Cassie, is sharing from her heart and her hurt.
It is perfectly okay if our grief overwhelms our attempts to, or even our desire to, celebrate in the usual holiday ways. It’s even okay if our grief leaks out, or roars out, of nowhere in the middle of a celebration. Hopefully we are with the ones we love and who love us if and when that happens. Either way, people need to understand our reality, one they may well live themselves someday. If we don’t let them see the reality, if we don’t teach them, they’ll be as lost as we were - and maybe still are.
Psalm 34:18 tells us the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. How much more tangible could He be than to take on human form and walk among us?
We need to meet widows and others who are grieving where they are. It’s not incumbent upon us to “fix” them or to make them celebrate with us at our parties, at parades, at the ballet, or anywhere else, even at church. We cannot fix them. We cannot take their hurt away.
We CAN meet them where they are. We can invite and gently encourage them to join us. Just know, without a sliver of doubt, their grief will be coming with them. Please know that it is impossible to escape the grip of profound and traumatic grief. It has to loosen its grip on us in its own time, even at Christmas.
We can sit with them if they need to not celebrate. We can listen to them. We can demonstrate our care in bringing them cookies or a meal if they don’t want to celebrate. We can see if there are any little “honey do’s” that need to be taken care of.
Think of ways you show, or have been shown, care while you were sick or recovering from surgery. Translate that to your grieving friend who may or may not feel like celebrating the season now or in the weeks to come as we move through Christmas and New Year’s.
If you'd like to read Cassie's post, you can find it here over on Facebook.
Marsha
