Changing the stigmas and expectations we place on widows and widowhood.
Why are the realities of widows and widowhood unknown, or at the very least misunderstood? In spite of having had widows and widowers in my family, I had absolutely no idea what widowhood truly was until I went from wife to widow with my husband's last breath.
Along with struggling to manage my grief and care for our grieving children, I quickly learned how ill-prepared I was for being a widow. I also learned how woefully unprepared we, as a society, are in our support of those who are grieving an extraordinary loss.
By the end of my husband's memorial service I knew things had to change. A mission to change the stigmas and expectations of and for widows was born as I met with family and friends in the church foyer.
Much of what I will be sharing extends to others who are also suffering traumatic and exceptional grief such as parents, grandparents, and siblings. While I can't speak to those losses, I have friends who can and are willing to join us here from time to time.
I hope you'll join me in changing the stigmas and expectations we place on widows and widowhood as well as on others who are grieving!
So What is a Stigma?
"Stigma often comes from lack of understanding or fear," according to the American Psychiatric Association. We, as a society, do tend to fear or avoid those who are grieving deeply, don't we?The Britannica Dictionary defines Stigma as "a set of negative and often unfair beliefs that a society or group of people have about something."
Expectation is defined as "a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen."
Stigmas stem from our own experiences as well as our presumed beliefs, perceptions, and expectations. These are not always as correct as we believe them to be when it comes to others. Even when these things are on the right track, they are often woefully inadequate when it comes to widows and widowhood. We can't truly understand or be all we want, and intend, to be for those we care about if we don't really know at least some of their reality.
Our incorrect or inadequate beliefs regarding widows and widowhood only serve to compound their already traumatic and overwhelming grief. Isn't that the last thing we want for them, to be for them, in our support?
Our beliefs, actions, and words need to change in order for us to truly be the help and support they need and we want to be for them!
I'm here for you because . . .
. . . I’m a wife and a mom who became a widow in my 40’s.
Hi! My name is Marsha.
When my husband died I was completely blindsided by the realities of widowhood. Even though I had widows and widowers in my life, I wasn’t remotely prepared for the depth of grief that flooded my entire being . . . or for the life I was suddenly having to live. Yes, we had all of the important things taken care of. But, who knew everything about our lives would change? And, who knew the words we say to the grieving would sound so different from the other side?
We need to set aside our predisposed beliefs, assumptions, perceptions, and expectations of widows, their grief, and widowhood and align them with the reality of what they are living. It's the only way we can truly be the support we want to be for those we care about. Doing so will also help immeasurably if and when our time comes to enter widowhood.
We can do so much better! I'm here to show you the way.
Let’s do this, together!!!
Marsha
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Copyright Marsha Williams
